Well Slap My Ass And Call Me Crazy

We have a new mode of transportation at the Royal Castle.   

Due to the fact that it is that time of the season, yes, Election Season, I decided to commandeer the old balloon and head over the great State of Kansas.

Why, you ask?

Because there are men there being

Master-Debaters and holding Caucuses.  

That's right.  

Oh, they try to come off (hey now) all perfect, but while some of them are master-debating, people are going to their neighborhood voting places and holding caucuses.  It's true.  They hold a caucus just to figure out which one they think is best.

First of all, how do I get a job holding those caucuses?  Because that right there sounds like just the job for the Royal Sister Wife.  

Second, I bet I could bring in quite the moola to help keep the castle stocked.

Must be off now, heading to the next State to see the newest selections.

Thanks To The Queen

Not so long ago, I was alone in the world.  Not physically, but in need of a really good friend.  I met a woman, who turned out to be a Queen.  

She was looking for someone to join the family, and as luck would have it, I was not selected.  But the Princess saw my worth and demanded that I become security.

This security turned out to be the best thing for me.  I got to guard Royalty and in turn became good friends.  When you are watching out for people's lives, that stuff happens.

The Queen and I developed a strong relationship, when she decided that I needed to become her Sister Wife. 

The thing that she has taught me the most, is that I have the right to say and do the things I want.  And what I want to do right now is tell you all about "The Owner" of the company that I used to work for.

I used to think that he was all sorts of awesome.  He hired me 10 years ago when the company I was working for was bought out by a huge company and "reduced their force" because I was a woman and made too much money.  So yeah, it was like a godsend.  He asked me how much I needed to make.  I knew that he would never pay me what I was making, so I took everything into account and came up with a figure thinking that with raises and such I would do ok.

I never got a raise.  I worked for the asshole for 10 fucking years.  He is from a small town.  Things are different in small towns as opposed to the big city.  I came from an owner who would just out of the blue at least twice a year, go around and give everybody a hundred dollar bill.  Why?  Because he knew that it would keep company moral up and people very seldom left.  We got raises and I worked my way into a very high paying purchasing job.  Started out as the receptionist.  I worked there for 23 years.  

Back to the fucker that just fired me.

He called me on a fucking Sunday morning.  He was in town for a church program his grandkids were in.  Such a righteous piece of shit.  Called me at 8:45 AM saying, "I am in town and would like to come have a little visit with you".  First of all, I'm like, maybe he is going to give me a raise.  hahahahaha, yeah right.

I said, it depends, are you going to fire me, and he said, and I hear these same words in my head every fucking Sunday morning now

YES I AM.

I hate him.  I hate that he never gave me a raise.  I hate him because he said the reason was because I HATED MY JOB.  Hell, doesn't everyone hate their job once in a while.  Bogus fat fucker.  

But most of all I hate him because he has sent me into a horrid depression.  Oh, my family thinks I'm all fine and dandy.  I can pretend really well.

But every Sunday, I get depressed.  I want to nap all day.  I hear his voice.  

I am a strong person.  I will work through this.  Maybe letting it out like this will help me get over it.  

The Queen has opened up my world.  You will probably be hearing things on this site that I have kept inside for a long time.  

Thanks Queenie, And PWT.  Because of you, I have a place where I know I am welcomed.

After The Situation Goes Down

The Queen pulled me aside a week ago and asked me to head on over to the place of our next Road Trip.  I was assigned this job on the low down.  The least amount of hookers to know about it, the better.

When I pulled in to town, I surveyed the situation, where the take down was going to happen.  There were little souls at stake.  We were going to provide the best care possible.

My first order of business was to get a place bought.  After doing so, with a little bit of greasing the palms of the business community, I hired some of the local "artists" to come and do their best work.

Then I went and got some play stuff for inside

Picked out a bunch of different beds

And hired a few people to run the place until The Royals came to town.

The Royal Doggie Daycare is up and ready for "The Situation"

Slap The Bitch

Once again, we had the Royal Call for Action.  Seems as if the woman formally known as  "Mom" to Princess Vet has been leaving awful "come to Jesus" type comments on her page.  Not only is she formally known as "mom", but she doesn't even have the balls to sign in under her real name, or blog name, or bitch name.  Nope, she signed in as Anonymous.  Uh huh.  

The Queen has taken to bed with a very bad case of the "sick and fucking tired of this shit happening to my girls" therefore putting the job into my very capable hands.  Drawing from my vast knowledge of all things security, I have enacted the 

Gibbs Rules

#15

ALWAYS WORK AS A TEAM

We have the best team around.  

DO NOT PISS US OFF

I also enacted the very seldom used Gibbs Rules

#69

You Have Been Warned!!

A Little Side Trip

Had to leave the kingdom for a quick trip to a far away place.  

When the alert goes out that one of the Royals are in trouble, we respond.  I, being one of the few that are free to leave, took the ballcrusher out of storage and was on my way.

The Queen decided at the last minute that she needed to be there with me, so I shoved her in the  back and told her to hold on to her gin, we were going.  

After a few hours, we got to the home of the buttmunch.  

I had The Queen ring the doorbell as I went around to the back.  Knowing that he was probably on the computer playing with himself, I knew that he wouldn't want to answer the door.  Queenie, she rocked that door bell shit.  Before long, he got to the door, saw who it was, and sprinted towards the back.  

Dumb fuck.

I may look like the poor meek Sister Wife, but they all forget I was security before.  Slugged that asswipe so hard, he fell to the ground crying for his mommy.  shackled him up, sat him in front of his computer

Threw in a dvd that we had made.

He was going to love it.  First a couple of hours of all the religious preachers, praying for him to come to Jesus.  Then, to torture his little soul, we added in some of the porn he loves so much.  It was going to be on an never ending loop.  Religion and sex.  

But wait, we had one more surprise for him

We added our favorite male chastity belt to his limp penis.  Oh, the poor man, not only was he handcuffed, being preached to and then made to endure watching hot sex, he was not going to be able to have the pleasure of growth or reward.

Poor dickhead.  Maybe this will teach him to never hurt one of our own.

We left him to his crying, headed out, clinked our gin bottles, and headed on back.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

ALERT: Code 50's Family

Good hell, Queenie has gone and done it again.  Whenever she and Willie get together, all hell breaks loose.

Princess PWT has put out the alert that The Judge will be making a Facility Tour.  I rushed out of my suite to get everything in order.

Dutchess was in the kitchen making brownies.  Oh my hell, I had to lead her to the bathroom with some of the stash that I have to get rid of  hide.  Locked her in there with the outside lock, that I had specially made for occasions like this.   With the lock in place, the door isn't even seen.  Oh, my connections rock.

Then I put out the Code Fifties Family Alert.

All hands were required to switch walls that we have installed just for random searches.    Everyone and all rooms got changed just in time.

The Dame

She is in charge of the "tour"

The Bartender

The Royal Bar was switched to the 50's diner, jukebox and all

The Vet

Princess Vet moved all gators underneath the mote and operation dog walker ensued.

I think by the look on the Judge's face, he knew that he was once again foiled in his attempt to bring down the kingdom.

Stupid fool.

Waiting to hear if Princess PWT has sprung the Queen.

I have a crown to earn!!!

My Rightful Station

I snuck into the Queens suite this morning before any of the other hookers were awake.  They were greeting their Johns last night like they hadn't been seen for ages.  Oh well, the money machines needs to get well oiled and lubed because that was an expensive Cruise.  

My first discussion lesson was where the Beer Tab Crown was locked up at.  She lovingly took it out of its glass shrine and proceeded to show me how she cleans and takes care of it.  I was then given a key and told to guard it with my life.

You see, none of the other Royals have the key.  Princess PWT and Princess Vet are going to be livid when they find out I have it.  Ever since Vet became a Princess, she's been rumbling about "that crown is going to be mine".  First of all, she's totally not next in line, and second, Haha Bitches.

I was informed by The Queen that if I held my part of the "private pact" 

I WILL BE THE NEXT RIGHTFUL OWNER.

I was also inducted into the

 Inner Circle Of The Elders  

I was warned never to speak of what goes on in there.  

My lips are sealed, dear Queen.  My lips are sealed